My Story - hasn't all of it been though?

My Spiritual Journey

One of my earliest recollections is of a “Bible Camp” group that visited our neighborhood when I was about 10. Mom was reluctant to let us go. (We were Catholic and they were Christians - but I had absolutely no clue what the difference was, or how it could possibly matter, but since it was gathering just down the street, she let us go).  One song in particular evoked a very different feeling than songs sung at St. Michael's Church:

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity will one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love


I grew up believing that "Catholic" and "Christian" was the same thing and that if you weren't Catholic, you were going to hell. I remember feeling awkward about being separated from those who were not catholic to walk to catechism class from our elementary school, but I do not remember much about the actual classes. Fragments of memories about hanging out with friends in the parking lot - Wednesday evenings I think it was - middle school, but again, not the classes. I remember many Sundays morning, all six of us being chided to get ready to go to church with Mom, but I wanted to go. When she finally gave up "forcing" all 6 of us to go with her, one of my brothers recorded my rather judgmental, whiny teen voice saying: “Aren’t you boys going to church with Mom?” I wanted what was being offered, peace, connectedness, direction, but most importantly, quiet time with my Mom.

I loved watching Sally Field in The Flying Nun, so after the recording incident, they started calling me “Sister Jacquelyn.” That character was 'old' and frumpy, but I didn’t care. At 15 I became a Godmother to my first niece, Kristen. Our older sister was asked first, but she was a divorced woman of 20, and the church would not allow it until her marriage was annulled. That was the point at which I began to wonder:


Who makes those calls? What human being is deciding that? Doesn't sound like God to me.

I began seeking answers without really realizing I was. During a school magazine drive I chose “Campus Life” and didn’t even realize it was considered a “Christian” publication. I dreamed of going away to one of the colleges shown on those glossy pages.  I went to church more frequently, and even daily during lent of the two years I was attending a nearby college. I so loved going with my Mom, and often my boyfriend would join us too. I was 19 and thought maybe we’d marry one day. But when I got my first “real” job, I fell for the company heart throb, broke my boyfriend’s heart, then had mine broken, and then, and then, and then....

When I traveled for work for the first time, it was for a great project, but quite far away from my hometown. Once again, I felt the urge to connect, so I found a church (by using an actual phone book!) and found solace in memorizing the Prayer of St. Francis:

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace…”

It was very difficult time in my life. I felt sure the priest at my home church had betrayed my confidentiality and a similar thought returned:

Who says there should be a human being between me and God?

I attended church less frequently, Christmas, Easter, family weddings and baptisms, but when I decided to marry, it was a Justice of the Peace at the Town Hall, for my adventurous spirit and some logical reasons. We were moving to Virginia a few days later, so it just made sense – at the time -- now I know it was all God's Will for me, for us.

In Virginia, by the grace of God, I was drawn to Unity Renaissance Church, not far from the office where I worked as a computer programmer for a defense contractor. I had a vague recollection of hearing “The WORD from Unity” spots on television in the 1960s and 70s and remembered a feeling of peace and acceptance. Not only did I attend this ecumenical church, I was also baptized – during lent. 😉 I taught Sunday school, went on retreats, but was still unhappy, and struggling. I was back in college, but my heart wasn't in it because I was not being true to myself. I  was studying Electrical Engineering because the company I was employed by strongly urged me to do so. 
A favorite song in the early 1990s was "Seeds" by Kathy Mattea listen here

My brother was "directed" to an excellent, holistic recovery program in ValDavid, Canada in 1992 and in July of 1992, that was where I spent my 31st birthday. By the grace of God, I "got it"! This photo was taken the first Sunday after my return home. Aug 1992

I'd never felt better! I changed my major to Human Services Counseling and I loved it! I was embracing God's plan for my life, and on Mother's Day, 1995, at the Unity Church of Hawaii I prayed to God. "I'm ready, Lord, if it be your will for my life, I'm ready to become a Mom. Ten months later, my only child was born, and 7 months later, we moved to North Carolina.

I "found" and began attending a Unity churches, got involved in youth education again, and tried to stick with it, but "things" still weren't clicking. Still struggling, still seeking. I also "found" Meredith College shortly after I arrived in NC, but held off until my wee one was in school. Now struggling AND juggling, life was not easy, my ex-husband traveled for work quite often and in 2006, we divorced and I graduated from Meredith.

By this time, my niece/Goddaughter had married a Buddhist and I suppose you might say converted. My brother, who just happened to be her Godfather, had become a yoga instructor and he too embraced Eastern spiritual practices.
 “I belong to no religion. My religion is love. Every heart is my temple.” ― Rumi


And so, as I continued to find my place and my peace in the world, I began to feel as though I might be Buddhist – Very recently, I heard a clip of Joseph Campbell being interviewed. He said:

“We are all manifestations of Buddha consciousness only don't know it.
And the Buddha, the word means to wake up” video

For about a decade, I focused on the "struggling and juggling" I mentioned earlier. I was doing "okay" - asking God for help only when I'd become exhausted by all of my attempts to hold it all together.


 However, when my Dad passed two years ago, I was given an express route, it now seems.

By the grace of God, again, and with the help of a dear friend, I was able to not only make the connection, but feel the connection to something much greater happening in my life. The place where I had always felt such a longing, an abyss really, an emptiness I could not fill, cracked wide open, and I let go. I began taking much deeper breaths and then more of them. With God's grace, I was able to be fully present for the memorial service, and for my Mom, one of my very best friends.

With the help of friends, prayer, and meditation, God guided me to Lifepointe Church. I felt at home immediately, and decided to "go all in" including baptism at Falls Lake on June 24, 2018.

I know God  is at work in my life because I ask Him to be, and let Him know
He is welcome here, in my life, in my home, in my heart.
And on really good days, I simply pray: "Use me, Lord."
On those days, what was once an abyss, is now a growth point.
I know there is much more to be done through me as a humble vessel of God's love.
I have chosen to follow Jesus' example and be an instrument of peace and love.
One day at a time.

Some ABCs from CRC etc.

"Awesome sauce" - really? at a professional workshop? okay....
"Bubble up" - same presenter also said "your guyzez feedback" :/
CRC: Cooperating Raleigh Colleges - fortunately, things improved
"Double Down on the spirit of who the character is..." yes, I was peeking at Facebook ... see "T" below  source
Expanding workloads
Filling a hole vs. Fixing the whole
Good rapport with students who are Great researchers
High touch support system
 
Jeff and Miranda's presentation was excellent, and I got to see Jenny Spiker. yay!
KOIOS - Search Engine Optimization
Libraries working together
Marketing strategies
Now I know what PRT really means and.. Ann Cox was one!
Open Ended Resources
PRT : Peer Research Tutors
Quite literally surrounded by beauty on all four sides of our library
Rainbow 
Sundog: formally called a parhelion in meteorology, is an atmospheric optical phenomenon that consists of a bright spot to the left or right of the Sun. source
Tony Stark: "I am Tony Stark" - best ad-lib ever?
Untapped students - ones who are new to the library
Value of spending time with a tutor
We have an opportunity to reduce the cost of education in NC.
neXt generation of PRTs trained up and ready to roll!
"Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite... "God rests in reason." And when the storm comes, and the majesty of the sky -- then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion." And since you are a breath in God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion." ~ Kahlil Gibran

July 13, 2018 - 57th Birthday - writing my story - one day at a time

Arboretum visits x2 and "Ancient Secrets of a Master Healer..." TEDx Talk
"Balance and purification"
Capacity, Clarity and deep healing...
Dad, miss you  Discipline, so important
Essence of religion is to know soul, the true Self, the consciousness (source)
Friends. including... Donna and her new baby, Laura, Gerry, Mary, Gail, Julie, and so many others
"How often have you sailed in my dreams. And now you come in my awakening, which is my deeper dream. Ready am I to go, and my eagerness with sails full set awaits the wind...
"If this indeed be the hour in which I lift up my lantern, it is not my flame that shall burn therein. Empty and dark shall I raise my lantern, And the guardian of the night shall fill it with oil and he shall light it also." ~  ~ The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran
Jacquelyn Beth Law
Karen, Ken, Susan, John, Bob...
Logan...  Looking at health in terms of balance and purification. Love
Mom, I love so and value all that we share, each and every day
"Not the sun or summer alone, but every hour and season yields its tribute of delight." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Only another breath will I breathe in this still air, only another loving look cast backward..." ~ The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran
Panchakarma is the mind-body healing experience for detoxifying the body, strengthening, and restoring balance and well-being. (Promotes detoxification and rejuvenation).
Question: How can I appreciate and enjoy even more the Divine power, guidance, and playfulness that is in and around me in this moment? 
Requires discipline, patience, and lifestyle change... Everything is a medicine or a prison depending on how you use it. Three important questions to ask and then journal to bring clarity and healing. Write them down. Review them Routinely.
Siddha Veda : ancient art of discovering what you want and achieving it, physically, mental, and emotionally
      
Valuing things in your life while you have them
Wisdom. ask: "Who am I and Why am I even doing What I'm doing?"
“ eXists to help us connect with God.” ~ Lifepointe Church's Neal Alligood 7/15/18
"Your mind is way too crowded" source min 6:45
Zest - how would one decide? I think I'd have to have both ;)
    

July 7-11, 2018 - As another birthday approaches....

"Accurate balance of Attitude and emotions." ~ Neal Alligoode 7/8/18
Basil (the Saint, not the plant): "The best prayer is one which imprints upon the soul a keen sense of God. This is what it means to become a house of God: to have God dwelling within through our remembrance of Him. 
Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. "Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” - Neville Goddard
Every Day Spirit : "Today, walk with a soft step and love with a warm heart. Extend the net of your compassion to cover all living things. We attract and magnify all that we put forth in our thoughts, words and actions. Let's stand strong in the flow of love."
"Fleeing all things, the one who loves God will draw near to him, chasing away the desires which lead to evil and holding to those things which lead to virtue." ~ St. Basil
Happy birthday to you, little brother ;)
"I am holding you by your right hand. Nothing can separate you from my presence. Don't look for affirmations in the wrong places. The source of real affirmation is my unconditional love. I see you radiant in my robe of righteousness. Your challenges prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with me. Immerse yourself in my loving presence. Be receptive to my affirmation which flows continually." From the book:
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, shared with me 2/28/16, "found" again this morning 7/8/18
"Keep my words and store up my commands within you. Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye." ~ Proverbs 7:1-2 NIV
Martina McBride "When You Love Me" listening with new ears of God's love
"Never forget how much your family loves you." ~ Coco
"Opening ourselves to impulse...we not only forget ourselves... we discover ourselves, our luminous, incandescent selves." I was reading Julia Cameron's The Sound of Paper 6 years ago today.
Proverbs 1-3: Purpose and theme
Quotes about "how the light gets in " are slightly different:
Rumi  (below) vs. Lenoard Cohen : There is a crack in everything / That's how the light gets in
"Shine bright, beautiful Souls!" ~ Rythmia on Facebook
"The wound is the place where the light enters you." ~ Rumi
Unified
Vision
"Wisdom isn't what you know. It's what you  DO with what you know." ~ Lifepointe Church
"You are enough. You are more than enough!" ~ Rythmia on Facebook

Path of Initiation... June 2018, rebirth month as I enter into the month of my birth

"Although nothing has really changed, everything is different." ~ me
Because, I decided: June 24, 2018
Connectedness of everything to everything else, is one reason I like to play with "randomness" here
Disposition of openness toward the inner Depths of our being and intimacy with the Divine so that this can be felt in every attitude and activity... Daily life as exercise...
Everything is different now ... Experience a breakthrough of being which lifts us out of mundane... Every moment is an opportunity for awakening from within...
"Flash of an awakening experience... Fleeting but unforgettable moments which have Flooded us with feelings of inexpressible joy, peace, and gratitude..."
"Golden thread to our depths... water a flower with a Gesture of love... enter into it in such a way that it develops the inner life... that is work on ones self."
"Hara: The Vital Centre of Man" by Karlfried Graf Dürckheim
Initiation : the action of beginning something.
Jackie's  Joy

Julie, Lane Bob, Carrie, Kevin
Karlfried Graf Dürckheim
Learn to Look outside the way we are Learning to Look within. Listen to the secret core of our being within
"Mighty gratefulness for being alive and feeling myself alive... It is in this atmosphere that life as such took on a numinous character for me. I discovered at the same time that it was in facing death that we step forward toward true life. That experience was later a part of my teaching: by accepting death, we discover and receive life which is beyond life and death..." ~ Karlfried Graf Dürckheim
Numinous : having a strong religious or spiritual quality; indicating or suggesting the presence of a divinity.
Our contact with Openness and intimacy with the divine such that any Ordinary action can be the "Occasion of a transcendental encounter" ~ min 25
"Path of Initiation: The Wisdom of Kalfried Graf Durckheim" by Ted Nottingham
"Quiet Trees"  source
"Responsibility to help other persons who also seek this path." min 15
"She believe that the world looked better upside down" ~ Spirit of a Hippie
"Turtle coming out of brumation" thank you, Emily. Cool photo and a new word for me: brumation is a term used for the hibernation-like state that cold-blooded animals utilize during very cold weather.
"Unbecoming is necessary for transformation ... Unconditional mission which leads to the inner way."
"Vaster self which is part of transcendent being as the drop is part of the ocean. Through making sustained effort..."
"We can become not only receptive, but transparent to the greater life within us which links us to the universe." ~ Path of Initiation
"eXistential self stands for the artificial identity made of unconscious habits, fears, and imitation."
Yes, I am a hippie: 
Zen of "Two Falling Blossoms" from a poem entitled “Stranger” by Thomas Merton
When no one listens
To the quiet trees
When no one notices
The sun in the pool
Where no one feels
The first drop of rain
Or sees the last star
Or hails the first morning
Of a giant world
Where peace begins
And rages end:
One bird sits still
Watching the work of God:
One turning leaf,
Two falling blossoms,
Ten circles upon the pond.
One cloud upon the hillside,
Two shadows in the valley
And the light strikes home.
Now dawn commands the capture
Of the tallest fortune,
The surrender
Of no less marvelous prize!
Closer and clearer
Than any wordy master,
Thou inward Stranger
Whom I have never seen,
Deeper and cleaner
Than the clamorous ocean,
Seize up my silence
Hold me in Thy Hand!
Now act is waste
And suffering undone
Laws become prodigals
Limits are torn down
For envy has no property
And passion is none.
Look, the vast Light stands still
Our cleanest Light is One!