An entirely new and incredibly different angel/angle on life has occurred this week.
Bitter melon Martin Garden, Sept 16, 2018
Creatively sing forth the good, the holy and the beautiful." ~ Lesson 12
Dad, I miss you, I love you, and I thank you for your continued love and support
"Every loving thought that you allow to be cultivated in the garden of your own mind extends the good, the holy, and the beautiful." ~ Lesson 12
Fall begins... time to Find my wings... For such a time as this... and now Full moon too.
Gunilla Norris
September 21, 2012 ·
How fabulous is this timing - 6 years later?
"It often seems that we are on two journeys — the visible one that everyone can witness and the invisible one that somehow knows the way. One is a flat, readable map. The other is the actual territory where much is hidden but alive with possibility. When we trust the territory more than the map the two...
Journeys mysteriously merge and become one journey." ~ Gunilla Norris
Kristen and Will welcomed Bodie Jack
"Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future."
- John F. Kennedy
Milo James Roque 20 Sep 2018
Now what?
“Our task must be to free ourselves... by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and it's beauty.” - Albert Einstein
“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never ...
Aug 7, 2016 walking my dog, Misty, while listening to my Mom give me on update on my Dad’s
condition, I heard a firm, gentle, unfamiliar voice say: “Come on Jack”
I was moved to tears, but silently allowed space for my Mom to process what was
happening more 600 miles away. I sat down at the edge
of a stream, and let it sink in: My Dad, Jack Law, was being called home.
For the next few days I
grappled with all the “normal” questions:
Can I get there “in time”
– In time for what?
We’d had a great visit in June
How can I help from here? What can I do?
And WHY am I still
living so far away from the rest of my family?
In hindsight, I know
those questions were actually my prayers and God would answer
them – in time.
The next day, a close friend
gently reminded me of God’s presence - in my life, my father’s life, my mother’s, and
indeed, my entire family, and we are all together,
always.
and so... I began to pray simply for peace. For all of us.
At 5 pm, on August 10th
my Mom, her voice shaky, called to let me know –
it was time – my Dad – was passing. She
put the phone to his ear –
I said: “I love you Daddy” and that was all.
He left his body,
surrounded by many of our large family.
Somehow, I gathered my
things and numbly walked HERE [Meredith College Chapel]
It felt cavernous to me – too big, not “empty” –
exactly, but my Dad had not been a big church goer – so I went to the meditation room instead.
I sat. I
prayed, or sobbed, I tried to breathe, but not for very long. I needed to go home.
To tell Logan. Make dinner. Walk Misty.
I remember now how odd
it seemed that I felt strangely similar to when my marriage was ending at the
beginning of my next to last semester here.
I was about to realize
why that was.
I walked to my car. Called Logan. Drove home. Went through the motions of
making dinner… I did what I felt needed to be done – but then
I stopped doing. I
needed something more. So I did the ONLY thing I thought MIGHT help – I went to
the garden – and I walked – not in the beds exploring and watering and tending
as I might normally do.
I walked around the
outer circle as though it were a labyrinth of healing and that is what it became. I’d heard the song "It is Well With my Soul" a few months before, and found this powerful version on YouTube: I let the words and music flow over me. I sang and I cried and then I sang louder.
As the sunset, and my
heart continued to crack open, at with it, the release and the relief of
allowing God’s presence to receive my pain, my grief, and my gratitude.
I felt lifted up,
as I realized that the man who had been my father on earth, was being received,
by our Father, in heaven.
I knew, I felt it, in that sunset, I saw it.
In those precious moments
came the awareness – the weaving of the little girl who so enjoyed going to
church -- with the woman who had let so much “stuff” into the place where love
was supposed to be.
Until that moment, I’d not realized I could never fill that hole with
any relationship because that was where GOD’S LOVE was supposed to be, and
while He had never moved –I had.
And so, as I emerged from
the garden.... I turned – ever so slightly... Toward God, and began letting Him know He was
once again “welcome” in my life - peace and love – for myself – and for my
family, began filling me with all that I
needed to walk through at least the next few days. With the God's grace, I was
able to be fully present for the memorial service, and for my Mom. August
16th used to be my wedding anniversary. Now it is the anniversary of
the day we celebrated my father’s life, and then scattered his ashes where we
shared so many happy family memories at Napatree, a beach in Watch
Hill, RI.
Sunrise 16 August 2016
After the scattering of ashes
On the plane, sitting on
the tarmac in RI, about to head back to Raleigh – just in case there was any
thought about return to “normal” I experienced a few more reminders of
God’s presence, and sense of humor.
I was reading a book Health Revelations from Heaven and Earth:
and right there – on page 73 -- were the words “congestive heart failure” I
gasped.
Later I would read the
page again – it said:
"In all forms of heart disease —
especially congestive heart failure — there is a dysfunctional metabolism of
ATP (the energy of life), creating a relentless deficit… literally an
"energy-starved heart."
A wave of understanding
came over me.
While “congestive heart
failure” were the words written on my father’s chart, what he really struggled
with for most of his life was an “energy starved heart”. When I looked down again at the book I was
holding, the hands holding the book were not mine, but my father's.
I closed my eyes, took a
deep breath, and when I opened my eyes, was a little sad to see my own hands,
but I also knew my Dad is with me.
No more reading. Instead, I asked the man sitting next to
me if he'd ever heard of candy being used as a centerpiece at a reception for a
funeral. My Dad liked candy --
a lot and my niece has cleverly decorated the tables with candy and Cracker
Jack. I showed him a picture of one friend's exuberance over the “surprise
inside,”
and told him how much each of these elements helped me get through
that day.
And then, this stranger,
sitting next to me on a plane, asked if I like Cracker Jack and if I
wanted some. What are the chances of someone, anyone, on that plane having two
snack-sized bags of Cracker Jack in their carry on? He got up, took them out,
gave me one and ate the other. I did not eat mine. I still have it, as a
reminder.
From that day on, I
began my more conscious journey of REconnecting with God. I was raised
Catholic, and I loved going to church with my Mom. I think what I really wanted
was some quiet time alone with my Mom. (I was 4th of 6 kids) so
I went to church with her as often as I could - I still do.
When I was in my early 20s, dealing with heartbreak over relationships and choices I'd made, away
from home for the first time, working in Texas for weeks at a time, and feeling disconnect,I found
my way to a Catholic church, and decided to memorize the Prayer of Saint
Francis. “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.” I don’t think I realized the significance of that particular prayer a that particular time, but in many ways it was pivotal to my realization that my feeling connected had nothing to do with the building, priest, ceremony, or rituals. Disillusioned with the formality of going through the motions week
after week, year after year, without real connection, I attended church less and less frequently.
The summer I turned 30, Dave and I eloped. His "dream job" was in Virginia, so we moved, with his 16-year-old daughter, Regina. Eventually, again because I was feeling a great deal of angst in my heart - I found a non-denominational church, not far from the
office where I worked as a computer programmer. I was baptized – during lent –
so I joke that I gave Catholicism up for lent that year, but in truth, I was simply still searching,
and still struggling with my relationship with God.
Here was the struggle:
How much of my life would willingly turn over to God, and how much did I still
want to pretend I had some kind of control over?
What I finally figured
out was this: whenever I embraced God's plan for my life – and let Him work out
the details, miracles happen. On Mother's Day, 1995, at the Unity Church of
Hawaii, I wrote a short, simple prayer request and put it in the basket. Ten
months later, my only child was born, and 7 months after that, we moved to
North Carolina. At 35, I changed “careers” and became a full-time Mom.
I "found" and
began attending Unity churches, got involved in youth education as I’d been in
Virginia, and tried to make everything work, but "things" still
weren't clicking. Still struggling, still seeking. I also "found"
Meredith College, and became a student when my child began 1st grade.
Still struggling AND now also juggling, I continued searching for my place and my peace
… but kept focusing on the "struggling and juggling". I thought I was
doing "okay", asking God for help,
but only when I'd become so thoroughly exhausted by all of my attempts to hold
it all together. My marriage officially ended in Nov 2006 and I graduated in
December 2006.
So much has happened
since then, but, when my Dad passed, it all clicked.
What an incredible gift! An express
route to the direct connection that was there all along. By the grace of God,
and with the help of loving friends, I was able to not only make the
connection, but feel the connection to something much greater
happening in my life.
The place where I had
always felt such a longing, an abyss at times, an emptiness I could not fill, God could, and does, whenever I let him. I began taking much deeper breaths and then
more of them.
Through prayer and
meditation, encouragement and nudging, with the help of a close friend leading the way by being an
example, I found a church home whose mission is:
“HELPING PEOPLE CONNECT WITH
GOD”.
I know God is at work in
my life because I ask Him to be, and let Him know
He is welcome here, in
my life, in my home, in my heart.
I know my father is by
my side, and if I happen to forget either of these things, I am reminded – in a
myriad of ways far too numerous to list, but here are a couple.
I’ve since learned that
the name man who was walking his dog on Aug 7, 2016 is Larry. His dog’s name is
actually Jackson, and he doesn't remember ever calling him “Jack”
A couple of weeks ago, I
ran into Melinda Campbell near the Martin Garden and when she saw me she said
jokingly:
“…And she emerged from
the garden... Doesn’t that sound like the beginning of a novel?" I
answered simply: "Well, yes,
I supposed it does."
But thought to myself
– or at least the name of this Story
And that place in me
that I once felt was an abyss?
That is my growth point.
And the less I
resist, the more I grow, and know: there is much more to be done through
me as a humble instrument of God's peace and love, and the prayer I memorized decades ago
continues to guide me.
Florence: Freaking people out all up and down the east coast.
"Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you." ~ Eileen Caddy
"How we spend our time now will determine how we experience them later." ~ Lifepointe 6/9/18
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~ Frank Herbert, Dune
Pebbles in the Pools of awareness" ~ Lesson 8 of The Way of Mastery
Quality of food is so important to prana - life force - vibrancy ~ short Seane Corn video here Responsibility to share in this capacity because it is energetic abundance. min 49 So many things to be grateful for today: Shower for one Tropical storm now...
"Ultimate action is to notice how I participate in separation, resolve, disentangle, reprogram " ~ Seane Corn
eXploring The Art Of Ritualized Surrender: In the act of letting go you realize who you are! Jason Silva video
You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself in your head. Be kind to yourself.
Zen Mama's ZEN TIP for the day: “When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...”
~Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Martin Garden, Sept 16, 2018
Martin Garden, Sept 16, 2018
20 Sep 2018
I couldn't decide so both
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