A is for Adjusting

As I was walking Misty for the second time today (it is only 6:20 am as I write this) it dawned on me that not only is it difficult to cartwheel while walking a dog, it is also impossible to fit in my morning "me" time I had become so accustomed to enjoying. I have needed time to adjust. Adjusting has proved more challenging for all 4 of us than I had anticipated it would be.

For 10 years Kendall has been an indoor/outdoor cat and pretty much done whatever she wants whenever she wants. Now she very rarely goes out, and is not happy about it, but she is adjusting. You fell in love with the loft and spiral stair case, until those first few mornings when I got up to get my coffee and walk Misty and you heard every sound. Adjusting, thanks to earplugs and an eye mask. :) But my mornings with Misty? Let's just say, I first needed to become aware.

I knew we would all miss the big yard and beautiful gardens, but I have had some help with that one. One friend gave me a card more than a year ago that I came across again during the move. It included this quote: "Don't go outside your house to see flowers. My friend, don't bother with that excursion. Inside your body there are flowers. One flower has a thousand petals. That will do for a place to sit. Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty inside the body and out of it, before gardens and after gardens." ~ Kabir

I also knew that space would be an big issue, going from 2100 sq ft house to 1000 sq ft apartment, so I got rid of lots of furniture and other "stuff". The one thing I did not think would be such a frustration was my morning time. For many years I've gotten up early, got my coffee and then created a space for my own personal reading, writing, meditation combination. Since moving to the apartment, this routine has had to be altered severely. It was easy to add Misty to my routine 4 years ago. I just let her outside and either joined her out there once I had my coffee cup in hand, or let her back in when she was ready. Not now.

For one thing, we are on the second floor, and for another, there is a lease law in Cary and particularly in this apartment complex. I've encountered more than one annoyed neighbor when I recklessly allowed Misty to come down the stairs while I held something in my hands, her leash included, but not attached. The expression "if looks could kill" came to mind immediately, but I just said "sorry" she's having trouble adjusting. We just moved here from a house. It was during that walk that I realized just how much trouble I am having with all the changes this year has brought to our lives.

And so, with that look, I was given the gift of becoming aware. Each day I now try to look at things differently and lat week I realized that by having to walk Misty, sometimes repeatedly in order to satisfy all of her needs, I use the precious commodity of time differently than I used to at the house. One morning last week I had the opportunity to appreciate two rather large and very pretty moth and one extremely long and not very pretty slug. This morning I had the awakening that it would help to write about it and here I am.

Misty's favorite destination at 5:30 am is the dog park we have on site. A nice little perk, right? Well... first of all, it is in the woods and you have to cross a little bridge to get there and there are always cobwebs at this hour of the morning. Secondly, it is called the Bark Park, but after the first couple of visits when I stepped in some other dog's poop, I renamed it the "Poop Park". Of course there are rules there too. There is a $25 for the first offense of not picking up after your dog, and a cancellation of lease for the second offense. We've been here 5 weeks today and I have not once seen anyone else there or witnessed anyone not picking up, but believe me, it is everywhere. So I now carry a flashlight and at least two bags, usually more, and everyday I pick up after Misty and at least one other dog. It is frustrating, but it is better than complaining.

There are plenty of things to complain about, but like Jody Williams, I take issue with people who "complain but don't take action". So, now I spend my mornings trying to be quiet so I don't wake my teenager "early in the morning in the middle of the summer", walking through cobwebs to get to the "Poop Park", picking up "extra" dog poop (don't even get me started on the trash), and noticing interesting creatures I have never seen before like these amazing specimens all from the same morning jaunt one day last week:

Don't get me wrong, I like our apartment and apartment life will suit me just fine, eventually. However, I do wonder "what if..." I just kept living in smallish places, even apartments my whole life, and not been "spoiled" by someone else's need for a bigger and bigger place and accumulating more and more stuff throughout our lives. I will never know. The answer to just about every "what if" question I have or am asked by others is always the same: Elizabeth had to be exactly who she is. And, in fact, so did I. What I do know is that while "sometimes people leave you half way through the woods," there is also truth in the words, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And so, I find myself once again in sync with Meredith as today marked the kick off of a new branding and marketing campaign. We are indeed "Going Strong".